Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

It is April 6th. My son celebrated his 15th birthday yesterday. I can't believe it's been that many years since he was born. And I dont feel a day over 25. (At least when I'm around my children) He is now taller than me, bigger than me and much much stronger than me. Matter of fact, he's so strong that trying to give him birthday licks turned into a full-fledged battle of might. One that he won hands down. In any case we enjoyed our day together and had a beautiful day. He still such an easy going, fun loving young man. I'm proud to be his mother.

Today, it is snowing down here. It's 32 degrees and the snow is falling like it's the middle of January. I don't know what to make of it, but as long as my family is healthy and happy, the weather is just that....weather.

Secrets and Serial Killers

I began reading this book the other day about a serial killer. It's called "Fever in the Blood." It's the first time I've ever read anything of this capacity, although my mind has contemplated all kinds of stories of the like. Anyway I'm reading this particular portion of the story where the killer is giving the reader some detail into his twisted life. He gives his psychologist a ton of information about his sexual activities, his parents, his upbringing, however when the psychologists ask a simple question: Did you feel loved as a child? The serial killer literally lost it, telling the doctor that he was getting too personal and he didn't wish to talk anymore. I'm sitting there thinking to myself, Buddy, you've revealed so much already, how could that question be considered as 'a secret?' I mean damn, he'd already told the dr. every sexual position he'd engaged in, what his father and mother done in the privacy of their bedroom and a few other things I won't share just in case their are any underage readers on this blog. (Probably not since it's not my space)

Anywho, I wonder why some of us are so verbally open about certain parts of our lives, but not so secretive about other parts. Usually the parts that are not quite that serious.

Here's my share for the day: This morning I discovered I only had one roll of toilet paper in our linen closet. I made myself a mental note to purchase more this afternoon. When I got to the store I went directly to the 'paper products' isle however, before I seen the toilet paper I spotted something else that made me completely forget about the t.p.

Wanna know what it was? I can't tell you....It's a secret!!!

See what I mean
Icy

Mr. Looks Perfectly Normal

I've discovered that most people have some degree of insanity brewing within them. I've oftern wondered and seriously thought about what makes people come unglued. I think I will be dedicating my next few blog entries to this issue.

This morning while on my way to work, I was sitting next to a perfectly nice gentleman. He was reading the paper and I was mentally doing my grocery list. After about two minutes he leans over and says to me, 'Hey, you know my mom died yesterday,' My response was, "Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that." Thinking this would be the end of the conversation, but somehow knowing it wouldn't be, he leans over again about 30 seconds later and tells me that he has not seen his mother in 7 years, and that she had cancer, but he's not sad because, well, he really didn't know her, but because he is her son, he feels like he should go to the funeral. All the while Mr. Looks perfectly normal, but clearly is either bereaved or just crazy is saying this, I'm still mentally trying to decide whether I want to get a nice gormet dinner for my fiance and I to eat tonight or maybe just hit a local organic food spot that he loves. I can't decide because suddenly it occurs to me that this man has just basically told me his entire life story in the span of 15 minutes. I have a hard time responding when he pauses,

because well, I'm not really listening.

I got to work without further incident, but I ask myself, was this because I was distracted thinking aout tonight's dinner, or did I just not really give a damn?

I hope Mr Looks normal gets through the death of his mom, but I'm really concerned about my own way of internalizing things now. Hell, maybe I'm the one who's crazy.

icy

icy

She's on the Move

Hey beautiful people in bloggerville.......I haven't been around much lately. A few new things happening in Icy land. My first novel 'Black Tears from the Robin's Nest' is about to be published. I'll post a link soon where everyone can order it. Ya'll gonna support me right? Well I've done my time NY and it's time to move on to fresher, calmer pastures. Just moved to a beautiful new city, after accepting a position with a great company, and well, if I shared all the other stuff that's happened in my life these past six months, I'd have to write for at least 2 hours and I don't have time like that anymore. God is soooooooooooo good.

but I do have time to leave you with a tad bit of wisdom....
"Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist you will be successful." B. Tracy

Icy

What time is it?

capital is not center
time is undefined
as soon as you define it, it's a new time
but with unchanging minds
new times become same times
why blame time for bad times or sad times
sometimes I forget time
and exist on my own time
I own time
The concept exists in my own mind
And mind is eternal
That concept defeats time
So I climb......

Saul Williams
(one of Icy's favorite poets)

I just noticed......

Today as I left a meeting that many of the people that walked the streets were not really dressed for the weather. One lady, carrying a small baby, maybe 3 or 4 months old, had the child dressed in a thin jogging suit and some Jordans. I wanted to say to her, "Lady, do you realize it's 35 degrees out here, what the hell is your proble, not to mention those shoes are way too heavy for your child's feet." Of course this is NY and she probably would have cursed me out. Instead I said a prayer for the little eskimo baby and continued my journey. On the train, I sat next to a man with no teeth. He had a nice smile. He offered me some of his coffee, which I politely declined. That was definitely a first. When I woke up this morning, I had the feeling this today was gonna be an unusual day. And thus far I haven't been disappointed.

she who knows absolutely everything.....

sometimes it's a blunder
other times it's just a passing thought
however, it's never irrelevant
nor is it ever from the 'right' side of the brain

Let's face the facts.....

I'm the smartest person I know...haha

that one even made me laugh.....

I'm still convinced however that I will be able to write myself into existence...then Hayden mayble I'll run for Ruler in 2008.....

Put the meat down and hands in the air!

I am no longer one who consumes flesh for nutritional purposes. It has been 4 months so I figure it's official now. This doesn't make me a saint or anything, it just means that I finally decided to lose my carniverous mentality. Trust me when I say, I still have others' (mental blurbs) I'm working on. Like swatting at flies no one can see but me, or yelling back at the preacher when he starts on one of his tirades in the Pulpit. Like I said, I'm a work in progress.

What about you?

an unusual passage

i am on a strange new path. i look around and it seems everything looks completely different. i beleive i use the same eyes as before, but something has changed. maybe its me, maybe it's others. i am also discovering that i am the sane one in a rather insane world. i am quiet most times unless something profound unsettles my silence. the book is almost complete. now i must publish and run for the hills lest the natives hang me up by a tree and lynch me for writing the truth.

i am well to all those who inquired. to all those who didn't......i am still well.

peace

If they only knew...

I've lost myself and can't get up.....
Somebody please give me a hand

Simplicity has this uncanny way of
breeding contempt.

Let's live and let others do the same.

Hayden you are my inspiration......

Icy

Cracks in the Foundation

So I'm back for a short minute....
Found myself under construction (in the strangest way possible)
I've made a serious discovery.
People have been sharing with me for years that I'm STRANGE
Guess what folks? It's true

I look out windows for fun
Meat now sickens me
My idea of a perfect date is when a man (naw, yall might not be ready for that one)
My smiles are sincere even toward enemies
I see the wildest visions in my head and then I write about them
I talk to myself on a regular basis


I lost someone dear to me a couple of months back. It hurt a lot
His death made me realize the importance of being yourself, even if it kills you
Live Life Profoundly!
I'll continue to be the weirdo in this crazy place
trying to make a successful career out of "stuff that just be in my head."

Icy

What to do when demon forces threaten the core of your creativity.
Here's a solution:
Awake at 4 am, bathe in an ice cold water, then coat your flesh with Vicks Vapor Rub.
Sit down at your computer and dare those little imps to impose on you.

The smell of the vicks is sure to scare away even the scariest of forces.
If this doesn't work, sue me
I'm just a poet anyway, how the hell should I know.

Tolerence Levels

I have decided that people are much camels. Just
when you think they have absolutely no purpose
at all, they spit on you. Of course you'd gone about
4 days without bathing so a lil water and lye soap
might be good for ya.

I've been told that brilliance seeps
out of my pores. Just not today.

I'm now on Chapter 13 and one of my favorite characters
must be killed off in order for the story to have a profound
meaning. It's easy to knock folks off in a novel, but I doubt
I could do it in real life. Unless of course they tampered
with my_____________.

This is where imagination meets reality.
Smile and blog away your stress.
See you good folks on my next break.

Icy

Shinning Lights

Sometimes I wonder if I am going dim......then something miraculously
happens just to let me know I'm still shinning.

You still shinning?

Icy

Birth and Solitary.......

Isn't it ironic that with the festive nature of this particular
holiday season, that in spite of all the hoopla of Christmas most
folks just want it to be over.......I do....(Sorry Jesus, it's your day
but I'm struggling with my own lonliness)

You were born
they say it was in a cave like structure
in something called a manger

I was born in a hospital with a bunch
of white babies. They say I made more noise
than any of them so maybe I was 'special'

You lived your life, did a bunch of great
acts, never told a lie or took a life. Now
that's special.

I'm still trying to figure out my life. Every
now and then, I do something that doesn't
require cuffs and shackles. I've never cheated
on my taxes, but well I do cheat on myself
most times.

I'm glad you were born. I know there were
lonely times being the Savior of the world and all.
Happy Birthday.

I'm quietly coming to terms with this new birth
that's unfolding in my life. It's lonely too. I wonder
if this will make me a better writer. A better
woman. Well if it makes me more like you then
wow.....

Icy

Favor.....

How blessed it is to have God's favor operating in your life.
I have it.
I'm really glad about it.
Yesterday was spectacular in so many ways....I'd write about it, but my hands are still a little shaky.
Maybe after the chill has left and the pen doesn't slip from between my fingers...

Today I am just grateful and extremely blessed.

Moving Again....Them damn Dreams

My legs hurt
My exercise regimen sucks like lollipops.
I can now see my.......It's really pretty
I wanna be fat again.....NOT!
I dream about him every night
I wish it would stop, really.
Well actually I don't.....just wanna control something other than weight loss.
I'm moving into my first New York chill spot
It's gorgeous
Overlooks the Hudson River
All my clothes are too big
I need new shoes...what woman doesn't
I'm feeling rather homely today....why is that?
I miss my babies
I miss my homeless man
I miss..........(deep sigh)
I dream of him too, usually on really cold nights
God keep him safe.
I have some major support on the play
I wanna quit somedays, but the children won't let me.
Church folk look at me funny....I'm getting used to it now.
My new Pastor is awesome.
Began working with a group of young people....they know more than me
Now teaching Sunday school....(wow...Me?) (just like he used too)
I'm controversial and quiet.
I love my self...on most days
Not used to this new me, but I'm getting there.
The view in my new home is fabulous.....
I wonder if I invite them....will they come????

He used to like my chicken........
I still do.

this has been an Icy Update

Babblings of supreme greatness

In the grand scheme of things
life is still what it is.....(where have I heard that before...sometimes I just be saying stuff)
Every day you meet people
some are good
others are well.....lets say, they challenge your character or make you simply want to spit
I've been blessed in more ways than I can count.
I don't count, I find it's simplier to let things just be
sorta of like sitting on the dock watching seagulls eat fish
I've managed to piss some higher ups off with my writing.
They said it was a 'little too honest' for their lying publication.
Like Maya said.....Still I rise.
Pablo has done a disappearing act, but Terry sho nuf performed on Oprah the other day
I'm now too sexy for all my shoes, but I'll keep wearing em till the good Lord
allows me to afford some new ones.
The play is coming together nicely.....I have to re-write a death scene, because once again
I'm too honest for my own damn good.
Obviously even for the NY elite.
Oh well, like Jill said.....Love is like farting in an elevator, you may not know who's doing it, but you sure can smell it. Writing I'm sure is much the same. I must get my name changed soon before the headhunters track me down and swallow my soul.
Note for the month. It's easy to 'fall' in love, but hard as fuck to climb out of it.
Still I sit, while caressing excellence.

Sighs Moans, and Worn out boots

......I thought he was lying at first
wanting me to feel sorry for him, maybe
giving me a sob story to butter me up to
ask me for money,
cause you know men lie, don't they?
they lie well, like lies are a part of who they are
I smile as he tells me don't be sad
I'm sad inside but I try and listen with a 'solid heart'

my heart is not that solid, its sorta like
carmel cake or freshly baked oatmeal raisin cookies

today Pablo doesn't want to talk
He greets me with a nod and walks along with me.
I stop and get my bagel and tea,
he stands outside the coffee shop and waits patiently
then we walk along Main street quietly. (It's 6:38 am)
I look at his feet from time to time
His worn out boots won't get him through the New York winter
I'm waiting for him to ask me for a dollar. I've been
waiting for 3 weeks, but he only wants me to lend him my ear
20 minutes each morning - I listen - he talks
but today, he sighs, loudly.....
sounds like a freight train ripping through his mind
I want to ask what's wrong, but I know better
I've heard the story I know what's wrong.....

(last week in a nutshell)
finally he speaks
I had a dream about momma stabbing Cham
what made me mad was she got blood on my
daddy's white tee shirt that I was wearing.
He told me it was mine, but it always smelled like him
I missed Daddy.
(I wanted to ask questions, but I bite my lip and kept quiet)
ain't no peace when you watch blood leave the earth
specially at 8
couldn't do nothing but cry inside
tears wouldn't come
mama told me it was his fault
(I assumed he meant his father's)
I nod my head for him to continue but it's as though I'm not even there anymore
heavy breathing...
I'm afraid sometimes......afraid that Cham will come take my soul like Mama took hers
She talks to me when I don't have my coffee (5th of Rum that he carry's everywhere)
I was in the room, I should have saved her
(how many of us have tried to drink or snort away guilt)
I just watched, watched, watched
Mama couldn't be killed she was already dead
by the way, you look pretty today, Cham had eyes almost just like yours
you could see through to her soul
(thank you Pablo...)
so what are you gonna do today my friend? I ask
sit right here, and wait for you to come back

(I had a million questions......but I knew to ask would close the porthole. For whatever reason, I need to know this man's story. Yes, he's a homeless person who walks the streets of New York fighting off demons that are not his. He's 72 years old, but he's still 8 years old. He's a part of my day, a part of my life, and I don't know why God has placed this man in my path, but I do know he's not crazy, nor is he inhuman. He is a human being and I will treat him as such.)

Pablo's Thoughts

punctuation has been removed to protect the writer.....

Ma'am I'm an old man I recognize this but life has been unfair Are you placing blame I say Hell no, but the truth is shit happened to me that no man or woman should ever have to see. Is that why you have your 5th of coffee at your side every time I see you

Awwww that...no Missy, see that's just my way of telling the devil to go fuck himself, see a few years back we made this pack and I sorta reneiged on it, now I have to swallow this shit just to make sure he don't start talking to me to much (I attempt to not let him hear me gulp....really loudly)

Tell me about your family I say.....He laughs then grabs my shoulder. I can smell his anger. It was kinda like fried bologna mixed with citric magnsia and stale peanut butter.

Get your hands off me please....no disrespect but you dont wanna know that story Actually yes I do. Why cause Why cause you seem like you got something to say and I wanna hear it
My mama was ashamed and empty....why is that? just shut up and listen There were 5 of us but my sister Cham got the worst and the best of mama. Daddy left one night after they had a big fight and somehow managed to take all the life out of mama with him It's fuckup to have a mama who's there but gone So what happened with your sister Cham, where she at now???

She's dead....Mama heard a voice one night and killed her in front of all of us. I realized then I could miss my bus or ask Pablo to hold off on the rest of the story.

I missed the bus that day and was late for work.

Here's why!