Vile Coercion

(music selection.....'When it hurts so bad.' Lauryn Hill)

That night of my coercion began as simple as any other, we were talking on the phone and he ask me what was I gonna do. I replied that I was gonna wash my hair and watch some t.v. He ask me to meet him at the barber shop around 9 p.m. I said ok, but of course I knew he had something up his sleeve, just didn't know what at that point. I walked across the street just before 9 and saw his car in the parking lot in front of the shop. Tupac blasting from the speakers in the wall as I walked in, his sits in his favorite chair and beckons me with his eyes. He gets up and I take his place in the chair. He takes out his clippers and begins to shape up the back of my hair. We still speak no words as his fingers begin to slowly caress my neck and shoulders. He turns the chair around and allows me to see my shape up in the mirror, and I nod my head in approval. He walks to the back room. I follow. Inside are two of his partners smoking reifa, they smile at one another. I look at him as I take the blunt from one of them as it was offered. We sit and smoke and as the high begins to take me over, two sets of hands are upon my flesh as he leaves the room looking at me with a smile. I try and express my displeasure at what is about to happen but the high has me in a place where I just don't give a damn. One dude speaks in code to the other and leaves the room and soon he and I are alone. He stands and pulls me toward him, attempting to kiss me, but I quickly move my face. I promised 'Him' that I'd never allow another to kiss my lips and I meant that.' He found this funny, and began to laugh all the while pulling my shorts from my hips. I felt nothing and everything as I heard the other two in the shop laughing and clowning about what was happening. Soon I am standing before him naked and he begins to sroke himself while watching my body in the semi-dark room. He lays me down, and without any compassion or tenderness, rams himself into like I was an animal. The high still has me on a path of not feeling what was happening, yet in my mind, way in the back corridors, I knew, pain was bubbling over but the high keep it from surfacing. Withing minutes he's done, quickly pulls up his pants, and smiles at me, then turns and leaves the room. I lie there, for about 3 minutes until the next dude comes in. He attempts to show me something and begins fondling my breasts somehow thinking this is going to heighten my arousal, yet I can't seem to do anything but stare at him and ask him to please get on with it. He turns me over and opens my ass and plunges inside making me forget about the high as pain rips through my flesh, tairing at my skin and making me bite my bottom lip. In my stubborness I refuse to scream, and this seems to anger him, making him fuck me harder. I think to myself what have I become as I submit to this inhuman treatment done all in the name of love. Within seconds, he graons and releases, and falls onto the couch, while I sink to the floor. I see the blood as it runs down my thighs and I attempt to pull myself up and crawl to the bathroom. He offers no help, just looks at me as if he suddenly realizes that I am in the room, and wonders where the other chic was that he'd just brutally fucked. After cleaning myself up and walking back out into the shop, all the fellas are standing around laughing and the one I loved walks over and hugs me, caressing me telling me how much he loves me. We sit and chill, pretending as if what just happened never happened firing up blunt after blunt and shooting the shit. At one point during the night, he even cracks a joke telling his partners that his girl, is such a hellafied fuck. They smile and act as if I'm not sitting there, high a s a kite, and that both of them did not just experience sex with me. I push it to the back of my mind even though the pain tries to bubble within me.

Later that night, I attempted to say a prayer and bile begins to rise in my throat, I push it back, and take something to help me sleep. Even in sleep I am tormented as I know that there will be other memories of what I had to do....all in the name of Love.

Icy