Icy Update

Hey all. I'm still alive and breathing. Matter of fact, I'm doing pretty good for a country girl gone city.

I miss you all, and will pop back in soon for an update. I think I accidently posted the other post to Chrome's blog, but check him out anyway.

Keep Hope Alive People

Icy

Friday Ramblings

Today is a blessed day! Not because I'm finally a New Yorker, but because somehow I finally crossed the first hurdle in changing my life. I made a decision and followed through. Follow through's always been a big issue for me, so although I'm seeing the challenes that are set before me, I realize that I took a step.

A big one.

Ok, so now the country girl has come to a new town, has to make about 10 other major steps to get this new life in motion. Will she be able to do it? So many have doubted her, but I think she's well on her way, don't you?

Will she obtain every goal she set for herself?
Will she hold her head high and place herself in a position to allow greatness in?
Will she get a great job, cool apartment, and make some new friends?
Will she let the country girl shyness go, and step up with a little boldness and poetry girl swagger?
Will she let the opinions of others, especially loved ones, scare and intimidate her?

Will she stop speaking of herself in third person...? (probably not)

Monday morning, real life begins....she'll be hitting the pavement, taking the next step in her 10 step plan to become a better 'she'.
She ask herself this morning, why of all places did she choose the state of New York?

she answered herself with this response..........Why not New York?

Realizing there are folks back in her home town waiting on her to fall, and admit the big city was just too much for her, come running back to the comfort of the country and all that is familiar.
She hopes they're not holding their breath!

-----------On another note.....

Tomorrow, we will celebrate my youngest daughters birthday
(She'll be 11) My boyfriend and I are going to make this a very special birthday for her. One she'll remember forever!
Last night coming into the city, her eyes got so big looking at all the buildings and stores. I'm somewhat saddened by what she was most excited about though. She looks at me with joy in her eyes, and says "Mama, look, there's a McDonalds on every corner. Wow Ma, New York is cool'

I must expose my child to new things.....like immediately

I guess when you go from living in a town where there's only one McDonalds for three counties, and coming to a place where they are everywhere, that's something to be excited about. Even though I don't eat McDonalds. (and she won't be eating much of it either)

Speaking of which, its' time to go whip up some viddles for the youngun' She'll be waking up soon.

Oops I forgot, this is New York.....I must not say viddles out loud or I may get shipped back to Kentucky on a tugboat.
Have a great weekend poeple!

*Icy

The deer that just wouldn't move

Driving along this country road...thinking,

thinking loudly

but not loudly enough

(how loud do your thoughts have to be to intercept your actions?)

Just loud enough not to see the deer. The little one that

was sent out into the road to distract me.

Break my concentration

Interrupt my anger at change (my discord at doing something different)

Create some frown lines, wrinkles, or age spots (God forbid)

I slam on the brakes, veer to the right to avoid taking a life

Cause as pissed off as I may be,

I don't wanna have to answer to God as to why I took a life when all I have to do was move outta the way. So I just moved.....altered my position, changed course to avoid hindering/harming someone (something)

Damn...that's it!!!! (I just had an epiphany)

I changed.

In the process of change, parts of the old me had to die to allow the new stuff in.

The old attitude,

the apathy

the indifference to new ideas

the overtrhinking of simple philosophy's

the time wasting. ( my favorite pastime)

the judgemental mindset that said, 'I'm so much better than I used to be', knowing damn well I'm not. (I'm discovering I'm human, this is coming as somewhat of a shock to my ego)

---

I'm empty now God, please fill me up with Premium and screw the cap on tight this time!!

----

I'm sweating, trying not to get out and cuss out Mr. deer. (cause I don't cus on Sunday's, but it's Tuesday so WTF)

He remains in the road, unwilling to move. Blinded by my headlights that have long since passed. He stands there, shaking

waiting

waiting for life to move him

waiting for his mother to guide him back to the safety of the woods

waiting for a sign

He waits

and waits

and waits......

while he waits, he puts his very existence in danger

his hooves get damaged from the asphalt

his eyes get weak from the constant watching

his bones begin to deteriorate from standing in the same position for such a long period of time.

his spirit

his spirit is in a far away place, frolicking with his kind, enjoying life

only mind won't send the impulses to his body to catch up with his spirit

so he stands

and waits

I look in my rearview mirror watching him, as I continue on my journey.

Thinking again.

Loudly this time..

Real Loud.

I used to be just like that little dear.

Life and all that comes with it

Guess what Bloggerfriends? 18 years ago today, I experienced childbirth. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise if you haven't done it. IT HURTS! Today I look at her, and thank God the rewards have been far better than the pain.

Happy Birthday Ms. Kortny

Mama loves you more than life

My kid rocks, yall

I'm in transition, I'm walking into this next phase of my life with a cool pair of raybans (do they wear those anymore) and some fake aligator boots.

Today it'll be light and airy, once I've absorbed enough of New York to say something truly insightful, I'll be back with all the details of my new life. until then, kiss a friend, hug an enemy, and don't let a day end without telling someone you love them.

You never know when it could be your last.
Peace, Icy

Thoughts for sale! - Is anything free anymore?

"But this is slavery, not to speak one’s thought."
-- Euripides
(480-406 B.C.)


What is slavery to you? I firmly agree with the above quote. This is a form of slavery when you are not able to express yourself freely. Most of the time, we are our own slaver masters.

Would you be willing to pay for your thoughts to be heard like the good ole southern boys were willing to pay to have their 'property' returned to them.

How valuable are your thoughts and ideas?

Whether you wanna beleive it or not, slavery still exist today. Unless you live in the land of Oz, all over the world people live in bondage, in fear of their lives, basic rights being stripped from them. Women and Children are physically and mentally tortured. Men are fighting wars that are not theirs, losing their lives in the process. Poverty in itself is a form of slavery. I've been there on more than one occasion.

I'm not sure why I woke up at 4:00 a.m thinking about freedom of speech, slavery, and torture in today's society, but I think its safe to say, I had a pretty disturbing dream. I think I need a sun sandwich.

"You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police. Yet in their hearts there is unspoken – unspeakable! – fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts! Words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home, all the more powerful because they are forbidden. These terrify them. A little mouse – a little tiny mouse! – of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic."--

Sir Winston Churchill(1874-1965) Prime Minister of England

Now, say something'! I dare ya!

The Moon and Tommy Hillfiger

The word says in the beginning God created......yeah, He's a bad man, and brought to life all this stuff we got down here now. Like the trees, the sun, the moon, and all the crap we generally take for granted. What about mosquitos, arent' mosquitos cool? And bumblebees and tulips. Sometimes I wonder how it is that people can be so caught up in the makings of things that are so (bovinely) do a word search---insignificant yet we lose sight of the beauty of that comes in the simple things.

I'm rambling, but have you looked at the moon lately? Be honest.

I'm also fascinated by people who get excited about clothing. Like fashion designers. They are an unusual, tempermental bunch of folks. Especially the little dudes in the tight pants with the wild hair cuts and even wilder accents. Their ability to pay such close attention to the detail of a piece of fabric, and the craftsmanship that goes into creating an article of clothing is pretty cool.

But to simple, country folks like me, IT'S JUST CLOTHES!!! Thanks but I'd rather have a sun sandwich

Now you take the moon, the intricate way in which God choose to allow us sight in darkness, tell me that aint some amazing shit. Some would view that as just me being emotional/intellectual/deep (physchotic). Hell I don't know, I just know that God's little creations are awesome.

Like rain. Have you ever looked at the rain? The smell of it,(how you can smell it before it comes. (sorta like someone I used to know in third grade) The way it falls from the clouds, making the flowers grow and black beauticians extremely wealthy. (All scientists can go to hell, rain is amazing) I have already accepted my position as a strange cookie, so whatever!!! I'm also fascinated at how lightening can take the life of innocent bystanders standing next to electrical poles..(or of two teenagers riding horses in a field as was in our local news this week) Ok, that's some other shyt, but damn, rain is awesome.

I'm confessing as much as I love rain, I'm terrified of storms. I usually hide when they come, but my shelter is under construction. I guess I'll have to face this storm like a woman.

Maybe Tommy will make me a special raincoat and I'll share my sun sandwich with him as payment!

The sign still says walk! (Continued)

Today I realized how much the words of others have affected my writing. There are many other writers who help me keep the pace So today, it is my pleasure to honor
GG. Her voice is powerful and she lets the world see Guyana from a beautiful set of eyes. I hope to one day call her my friend. She makes walking fun. She takes me on the most incredible journeys.

I believe in the power of the human spirit. I beleive that the roads we travel help define us, and the people we met along the way help us to understand ourselves.
This man gives being human a whole new light. Humanity the way it should be.

Chromeis a great writer. He taught me lots of cool stuff. He's a Man, a kid, and a genius all rolled up in a smooth pair of J's. Better not step on em though, he will track you down and make your life miserable. His voice is strong, like heaven's thunder clouds. You should check him out. He's beyond awesome. His films will set the film industry on fire.

Last but not least, there's Ale. She's like a breath of fresh morning air with the faint scent of coffee and cotton candy. There's others I want to mention, but it's getting late and I've been walking for a few hours. Can't allow myself too much healthy stimulating mental exercise. I might morph into mediocrity, God forbid.

(I wonder if Poody tang has a blog. I wonder how many would understand...sa da tai)

Enjoy these folks as I do each day!

The Sign really does say Walk!

The sign says walk! 


It's pretty awesome when life gives us these little signs letting us know when it's time to move forward. Imagine New York city, or even your city without traffic signals. Without signs that tell Pedestrians when they can go or when they should STOP! The hospitals, funeral homes and car dealerships would be packed. (that was my horribly morbid thought for the day)

What happens when life's little signs are out of order, and you just have to relay on instinct to tell you when to move. Are you able to do so, or do you wait on confirmation after confirmation to finally do the things you need to do to move forward in your life? The sign is working today, it says walk. What are you gonna do? Remember others are behind you counting on your ability to move forward. Keeping them waiting could resort in a mass entaglement of bodies in the middle of the street, and a few New York cabbies who didn't see the sign that said Pedestrains crossing. (Another interesting visual, sure wish I could draw)

Life from a Different View

 


From an upright position, the world is in a horrible condition.
I stood on my head just to see if it would be any different.
I now have a headache and nothing has changed.

Someone Please Give this Chic a Zan-X

Before going to bed last night, or should I say this morning. I realized that I had left some papers on my nightstand. I was just about to fall asleep when I bolted out of (living room floor) to retrieve the papers and read them over one more time. What was the great sense of emergency in my having to read over these important documents at 2:am? Absolutely nothing. The documents were the following. My grocery list. My things to do list. I had reviewed them at least 7 times throughout the course of the day, and needless to say, I had pretty much memorized both lists. I am not obsessive compulsive, at least not on Sundays. I don't have a bed. I think this fact alone is making me crazy. I am also conscious that I have only three pieces of bread left in the loaf and three is not such a cool number. I got up and threw one of the pieces of bread out into my front yard at 5:30 this morning. Had to feed those birdies. Since I am in transition I am currently sleeping on the floor. This is lots of fun as long as the rats decide to stay at the neighbors house and not visit me, but I find myself getting up at least 8 or 9 times during the night. I love infomercials and have the sweetest dreams when I watch them. Speaking of dreams.....never mind, I'll talk about those tomorrow.

I can't sleep if my washing machine is not running. I can't sleep without the television or the radio. I can't sleep if my door is not locked. Doesn't have to be shut, just as long as the lock is turned. I can't sleep without my pillows being stuffed neatly between my legs, and the room a cool 65 degrees. I can't sleep without my Jill Scott Poetry book right beside me and my favorite bear, Blane Porterfield on the other side. I can't sleep without hearing my man's voice. I can't sleep unless I pray. I can't sleep unless I have a plan for what I'm going to do the following day. I can't sleep if there are dishes in my sink. I can't sleep if clothes are not folded and put away. I can't sleep unless the toilet seat is down and the shower curtian closed. I can't sleep without having a piece of ice in my mouth before I lie down. I can't sleep without checking to make sure all my writing is filed away where it should be. Basically, one might say I am functionally crazy, but that's the great thing about interpretations, everyone has a different one.

My oldest daughter couldn't find her lighter the other day, so she decided to take the toaster out into our hallway and use it to light her cigarette. (Thank God she has moved into her own place now) This was crafty, but she left the toaster out in the hall overnight, someone decided to steal it. It was a $10 toaster and although I had it for 5 years, it didn't have any real sentimental value, but last night I couldn't seem to stop thinking about who had my toaster. Where did they place it in their kitchen? Did they sit it on the counter? Maybe on top of the fridge, on the kitchen table. Did they have roaches? Would the roaches crawl into my toaster? Did they try and sell it for some crack or cyrstal meth? Should I be laying here at 4:00 a.m thinking about this? Probably not, but I'm allowing you a little deeper into my somewhat twisted mind so you can pray and thank God you don't have as much time on your hands as I do right now. I wonder what they thought when they seen my toaster sitting there. Did they think it was a blessing from God, since maybe they didn't own one? What if a child got a hold of it and decided to make toast for all their friends the following day? Good thing she didn't leave something out there I really cared about, or I may never sleep again. Basically I need either some medication or a bed!

And the truth is......

How far would you go to be honest with a friend, or even an acquaintance? Another Blogger pal of mine began to speak about fake people and he got my wheels to turning this morning. Would you allow a friend to go out looking utterly stupid just to protect their feelings. Or would you risk the friendship by being honest if it meant keeping them from being shamed in public. Here's the scenario

A close friends calls you extremely excited about a dress she has purchased for a premeire you all are going to over the weekend. You go to her home, and she answers the door in a 2-sizes too small, cheap red dress that looks like she should be standing on the nearest corner. She has on matching red pumps with her ashy feet fat gracefully hanging out the sides. Her smile is a bright as the dickens, and she has decided since its a special night to add the fake gold tooth to go with her $5 dollar gold broach that somehow manges to hold her 44-double-D breasts inside this horrific ensemble. She invites you in and begins to twirl around the room, knowing you think the dress is fab. You want to gag on sight. She then doesn't wait for your response since your mouth is hanging open she's sure you love the outfit. Holding up two sets of earrings, she wants you to pick the best pair to complete her ensemble. So in your head your thinking, 'aint no way, I'm going out anywhere with her looking like some type of Rainbow kid wannabe tramp (new york sistas will know about the Rainbow kid theology) but she's excited, and you don't want to hurt her feelings. Do you? Your response would be to sit her down, and say,...

girl, the truth is?????

(side note, belly rings are for folks with nice flats abs...anything else is sinful)

Kickstand Theory

As a child I remember my first bike (without traning wheels) had a kickstand that would often cause me scratch up my ankles when I would attempt to lower it. The metal would rub against my skin and by Summer's end my right ankle looked like it had been in a war zone.

...So I took the kickstand off one day. Got tired of that extra support simply because it caused me so much pain, so I just removed it. My bike didn't seem to mind being lain on the ground very much and the following summer, my ankles were in much better condition.

Today I kinda wish I had a kickstand, one I could lean myself on when I got real tired like I am now. But there's always the threat of injury when you let too many vices support you. I think I'll just stand on my own and ask God to have my back, and if I do fall, Dear Lord, please let it be on the grass.

Oh yeah, I've discovered also, when you try and be a 'kickstand' for too many riders, you take the chance on rusting out real quick.