Driving along this country road...thinking,
thinking loudly
but not loudly enough
(how loud do your thoughts have to be to intercept your actions?)
Just loud enough not to see the deer. The little one that
was sent out into the road to distract me.
Break my concentration
Interrupt my anger at change (my discord at doing something different)
Create some frown lines, wrinkles, or age spots (God forbid)
I slam on the brakes, veer to the right to avoid taking a life
Cause as pissed off as I may be,
I don't wanna have to answer to God as to why I took a life when all I have to do was move outta the way. So I just moved.....altered my position, changed course to avoid hindering/harming someone (something)
Damn...that's it!!!! (I just had an epiphany)
I changed.
In the process of change, parts of the old me had to die to allow the new stuff in.
The old attitude,
the apathy
the indifference to new ideas
the overtrhinking of simple philosophy's
the time wasting. ( my favorite pastime)
the judgemental mindset that said, 'I'm so much better than I used to be', knowing damn well I'm not. (I'm discovering I'm human, this is coming as somewhat of a shock to my ego)
---
I'm empty now God, please fill me up with Premium and screw the cap on tight this time!!
----
I'm sweating, trying not to get out and cuss out Mr. deer. (cause I don't cus on Sunday's, but it's Tuesday so WTF)
He remains in the road, unwilling to move. Blinded by my headlights that have long since passed. He stands there, shaking
waiting
waiting for life to move him
waiting for his mother to guide him back to the safety of the woods
waiting for a sign
He waits
and waits
and waits......
while he waits, he puts his very existence in danger
his hooves get damaged from the asphalt
his eyes get weak from the constant watching
his bones begin to deteriorate from standing in the same position for such a long period of time.
his spirit
his spirit is in a far away place, frolicking with his kind, enjoying life
only mind won't send the impulses to his body to catch up with his spirit
so he stands
and waits
I look in my rearview mirror watching him, as I continue on my journey.
Thinking again.
Loudly this time..
Real Loud.
I used to be just like that little dear.
14 comments:
I am moved by what you have writtenn, even as I recognize that it's deeper meaning may have passed me on these first two readings. My heart breaks though...
Couldn't you have led him back?
Was he that afraid?
That stiil?
What happens when the next driver, too immersed in thought, comes barreling through?
I'm over-thinking.
But, Bambi made me cry @ 5 and again @ 22. I refused to buy the DVD @ 27...can't keep crying.
I will read this again.
very moving, nice piece..
Lovely! Happy to see someone else as interested in both comic and philisophical type writing, and who is, you know, good at it or whatever.
What grabbed me was the stillness of the deer. And you seeing yourself in that deer. To move, to change position...freeze...it's too scary.
Speaking about parts of you having to "die" before there's a rebirth...I think you might like this poem by D H Lawrence, it's called The Ship of Death.
wow this is definitely deep!!!!!
If this happens by night then it was probably your headlights that caused the animal's stillness.
Sorry, this really was the first thing that popped into my mind. Problems with being an analytical chemist...
In a way it seems almost as if you nearly run over some part of yourself, this alone should be a warning sign for me to say no more.
Dcer, I like the way your mind works...I think
Storm, I visited your spot today. Always got some real inspiration for a sista.
J.A...It's a honor to have you hang out in my twisted world. I visit your blog daily but rarely comment. You rock dude!
Spexial...you make the world go round. I started to give the deer the finger but decided it would prolly be some form of animal abuse so I digressed.
Chrome - I thought about what you said, now I'm thinking bout going back. Wonder if he's still there? Naw, scratch that thought
Humanity Critic - Thanks for stopping by. Your blog had me busting another gut today. I always keep a spare.
GG, girl you are still my shero. Yeah, Im gonna check out that poem too.
Fink - thanks for stopping by. Nice spot you have over there.
Man! This is strong stuff, lady. This is why I can't stop reading you. You mind and soul is a joy to behold.
OOOKK OK- I'M MOOOOOVING!!!! I PROOOOMISE- I'M GOING TO START TO MOVE NOW! :)
...but you're not quite sure.
;)
deep. we are like the deer sometimes. in fact oftentimes! i just need someone to push me aside, or in my case, i need me to push myself, because i am a stubborn deer.
Icy! You are a cold writer, you dig deep, so to speak. On tha real, as a practicing mysogynist, I'm feeling you, I am that I am, Ya Dig? One of my bitches is in tha NYC right now, she misses TopSoil, I want her to get her fun on. I know you know everything thats hot out there, put me up on game, give a nigga some suggestions. I heard about the "Apartment" in Manhatten, holla back baby.
I have chills!! I sooo understand; guess I'm still like that deer; but I'm trying one step at a time. Friends coaxing me out of the road and onto a more scenic path. Needing to be filled up because there's a whole lot of empty. "...body to catch up with his spirit..."--what a good feeling that's gonna be--my spirit is still soaring--hasn't been broken thank god--but the rest of me has some catching up to do. Thanks Icy!!!--thanks for writing about me and not even knowing it...
Ok so I'm sitting at my desk wondering....Did you honk your horn??
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