UNFOCUSED BEAUTY
When you get close enough to something truly beautiful and still can't see it, Consider this, it might not be your eyes that need to be checked, but your heart.

Sistagirls Love

Today was one of those days where I couldn't see the sun. Not because it wasn't shining, but because I was busy fighting for the greater good. It's amazing what we as women go through from day to day just in trying to maintain in this world. We deal with so much, yet most of the times we are so much stronger than our own anger and hurt. Today I saw a reflection of an younger me in someone else. It hurt me. It angered me. It made me realize that time is not meant to be wasted, but every moment in this life is to be treasured and treated with respect. From now on, all my moments will mean something.

The What ifs of an Idle Mind

...Sometimes I find myself thinking of really crazy things. Especially on nights like this when sleep is a distant memory like summer camp and Jellies. Like what if Tom Cruise and Katie holmes showed up on my door step offering to give me an interview. This would be the perfect opportunity to use my son's new Louisville Slugger baseball bat. What if my insane neighbor was actually coming through my bedroom window right now with an ax in hand convinced I needed to be sacrificed to the Newport Gods. Or what if I'm not typing this, but it's my subconscious mind allowing me to tap into another part of an old memory of myself, and I'm actually dead. (Matrix shit fo yo azz) What if Michael Jackson became Black again and wanted to marry me and have 5 kids, only we couldn't have sex, I'd have to have sex with Tito cause Michael was a priest and took a vow of celibacy? What if Osama was chilling in the White House Basement and Condaleeza was the only one who knew it. Hmmm, I'm glad sun's coming up cause well, it can get a lil scary when I let my mind get idle.

(stepping out of idle for just a minute)
Just imagine a world were people actually did what they said they were gonna do, and the news was always good. Imagine a world without murders, rape, molestation, hunger, poverty, homelessness, lies or deciet. Imagine being able to trust in advertising and the media had special transmitters in them that forced them to report the TRUTH (Just for you Hayden). Imagine no computers...(Shuddering...brrrrr) Imagine preachers who didn't steal from their congregations, and Aids was nothing more than a new dance move the teenagers done at the clubs. Imagine people living in peace without the threat of discrimination, racial profiling, or blatant ignorance. Imagine if you could just say what you wanted, and there it was. Imagine how many people would kill themselves from the shock of it!

Copycats on The Prowl

Ok, here's to all the assholes who read blogs and can't form thoughts of your own. You should be beaten with a Bullwhip! Copycats are worse than people who don't pay their taxes. I say this on behalf of all the good people who read and blog for the sole purpose of self-expression or mental health purposes or whatever. There are people who steal words. What's really sad is my Sweetie and I were just discussing this very thing the other day. Low and behold, I found one such thief today. The cunning sommabitch took a whole post of mine and made it his, what's worse, the fucker hasn't posted anything since. No, what's worse than that is he's not a stranger. Well he's strange, but I knew him quite well. Wow, I feel famous now. Imagine that, only been bloggin for a few months and already getting Plagerized.

Damn, a bitch might need to get an agent and a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes since I'm that important.

When my book drops, and it will this year, Im gonna send you about 50 copies so you can sell them on the streets city streets since you so hard up and have resorted to theft. Get a fucking life and stay outta mine.

Thank You for listening good people, Yes, this is a tad of Icy anger, now I digress and get back to my regular happy go lucky self wondering if today's words will show up anywhere else. Wow, I guess this means I have finally arrived. Not sure where, but I'm somewhere!

Today's Quote:
Sometimes shit just be funny, don't it?

An intimate meeting of worlds through words

Woven
(Me) The way we came together
so intracately our bodies fused
once thinking love was for others
and sexuality only made us amused

but now my spine connects
with your
fingertips
shamelessly
your strength holding me
your breath tingles against
the softness of my lips

Woven together are we
as black should be found
intimately
sensiously
eternally
bound

Complete oneness
my lover
guides my every move
We are woven!

(He) UNRAveled (incomplete)Prologue Intertwined are we That she calls us woven. And we speak in tongues cloven of fire. Desire. But when silence comesand embered tongues are stilled, she is sometimes filledwith doubt about, where we stand and how tight are the threads the ties that bind.Until I come to remind her of the best part of being wovencoming UNRAvelvedWith one touch her fibers breakand makehairs stand on endand deft fingers get all up in those knots loosening her kinks without breaking skin.fingers follow threads until every fiber's freed every thread's been pulled, unravelling every need every strandso loose she can't standso she laysin a pileuntil deft fingers returnand create a new textileMy thread and hersmake fabrics so refined patters undefined by the curren trends and style and her touch her fingers unwind me just the same until, like her , I'm lain my loose threads in a pile with hers waiting.for The Hand that wove us first, to come and intercede.Find us and reweave.tighten what we've freed....

Untainted Beauty

Untainted Beauty
There were moments when he was speaking that it occured to me that our lives were held in that one moment. The moments were we both opened up to the other and spoke only the truth. I listened to his words, and was honored by the beauty of his honesty. Although he's always been true to me, last night his words seemed to take on more meaning and I was reminded of a place that his words often take me and it looks much like the scene above. What can a woman say, when she is so completely in love with a man that he has her actually visualizing beauty in her head because when she looks at him all she can see is complete love.

I think of how much my life has changed over the years and I realize that every day I get closer to my destiny, how can I not thank God for the people, places and situations that give me the desire to keep making this life as awesome as it was designed to be. My heart is filled with so much love today simply because there is at least one person in this world who thinks I'm the most important person in their world.

Fresh truth unabandoned

I discovered earlier today there's nothing in this world greater than self discovery. Today while surfing the deep dark world of bloggism I came across a blog that left my mouth hanging open and my body yearning for more. Am I gonna spill what I saw, naw cause some of yall will be asking me for the address, and well. Damn it was deep. Anyway of course I pulled out my faithful leather bound journal and began to write what I saw, what I felt. My fingers are still shaking (soaking) at the images that stared me in the face and made me write about the darkness that leapt off the page.

How many of us are willing to admit that we are attracted to things in this life that are somewhat taboo. I spoke in an earlier post that I was once turned on by this mentally retarded dude when I was in high school. Ok, now at the ripe young age of...how old am I again? Well anyway, I have to admit there are still aspects of me that I'm discovering and well, its cool. I'm totally into learning me and all that it brings forth. I found myself thinking of my childhood and that room across from my bedroom where all the guests were entertained. One night I ran into something that confused the hell out of me, and even today, I ask myself why was I allowed to see those images? Anyway, I'm still gonna love and learn me in all my glory. I've read a lot of blogs that have been speaking of truth, but many times we forsake what we feel for what we think is acceptable. Another writer told me once, write from my soul and let nothing else plague your words.

What about you? Are you committed to learning all there is as it pertains to your emotions, sexual desires, career aspirations? Wow, those are three broad bridges. Believe it or not, there not really that far apart.

Unfathomable acts of a Distorted Black Mind Pt 1

Do you ever find yourself thinking crazy thoughts? Thoughts like if I died tomorrow, would my boss send my favorite flowers to my funeral, or would my neighbors whom I know hate my guts come and see my body? Would my family dress me in my favorite sweat suit instead of an ugly ass funeral shroud? Would I feel death like they do on the movies? I mean after I'm gone, would I feel the casket closing and the world closing itself off from me? Ok, ok, I know I may be freaking a few of yall out, but the truth is, most of us have morbid thoughts about life and death. I'm woman enough to admit that sometimes the thoughts get me high. Not like (narcotic high) but more like surreal high. I wonder if it will really matter once I'm dead, whether or not I choose to speak to my neighbor who happens to be a racist bastard and really can't stand me, but makes every effort to be nice, simply because I'm one of those 'good black people' who knows how to take care of my yard, and I recycle, just like they do. Whopppeeee. so what? Truth is sometimes I'd like to strangle my neighber, and I'm sure he probably feels the same, especially when I sit in my backyard writing my poetry while he's having one of those incredibly 'white' barbecues with a gas grill listening while they all sit around listening to John Cougar Mellancamp while I nod my head to Nas or India Arie. Gotta do a part II on this one, kinda feeling it!

Unfathomable Acts of a Distorted Black Mind Pt II

...so as I was saying, people don't always say what they are feeling, and most times you won't know what's really in someone's head. I feel its my duty as a writer to express the truth. My truth, and the truth is, I kinda of like it when people who are so self absorbed are not able to see the world around them. It makes me write better and gives me clearer visuals. So back to my untimely morbid thoughts. Once I slept with my friends boyfriend. I thought it would be fabulous but truth is, it wasn't worth it. I don't know why she's still with him after all these years anyway. The sex is mundane, not to mention his teeth are well..never mind. What else have I done that I want to share? I once had a crush on a retarded dude who used to live on my street. I was ashamed that I liked him and what attracted me to him the most was the huge bulge in his pants. Oh God please forgive me for being sexually free most of my adult life. Ok, well that passed, and of course I found myself slipping into the world of pretense, shame, and degrading acts that somehow manage to get most of us off track. Don't worry, I've found my focus and don't chase retarded guys anymore, I don't even write Black Power on the side of my neighbors Mercedes in crayon anymore, but sometimes I do smile when things happen that give me something fabulous to write about, and trust me, today has been one of those days. When I leave this earth I hope I leave a legacy to my children, and some interesting words that roll the same as Picaso's paintings did.

Mama said....

I don't know if it was shock that had my heart beating so incredibly fast last night or the fact that one of my children was in danger. Faced with a life or death situation, I didn't know at first why sleep wouldn't consume me. As she comes in this morning and gives all the horrid details of the gun, the blood and all the mayhem she witnessed last night, I now know why I couldn't sleeep. Said she remembered what I told her about keeping herself free of 'babygirl' drama, and it keep ringing through her head. Now she wants to follow my path, part of me is happy, and the other part is somewhat apprehensive. I just want our lives to prosper and be at peace. Thank God today my words actually saved my childs' life.

Incredible Visuals

I used to not get them, but lately they been coming in so clear its almost surreal. I can see them in my mind, and even sometimes when I speak. I often wonder why it is that I will be able to see a path but have no earthly idea how to start walking it, or in my case running it, since I'm perpetually late. That's alright, God gonna be my help. I'll get there, let's just hope the vision is still the vision and I'm not having to look through bi-ficals cause my sight is screwey.

Im beginning to see things for the way they really are, not the way others want me to see them. Recognizing there are various perceptions of the most simple things, I have learned to write, read, and look with depth and understanding, always seeking knowledge and attempting to bring the same to the table. I wonder why it is I only get part of the scenario in my head, not the whole thing. Sometimes I think God is trying to trick me, but really and truthfully I know I have to work for the rest. You know what they say, anthing that comes to easy, really aint worth having.....less it's Poetry of course...(my treasures)

Snippets

As the leaf makes it journey slowly to the ground,
I count the seconds on the clock
wondering how many lives will be lost
in the time it takes to reach its destination

There's not a place I haven't been
where death wasn't lingering somewhere close by
shades of light creeping in through closed windows
My heart don't break, its been broke a long time

Laughter that comes through the blinds
into my bedroom while I sleep
praying urgently for my souls rest
knowing the sorrow keeps me awake.

When the devil beats his wife

Sometimes his tears fills his insides
keeping his breathing ragged and hard
these are those days, when it looks like sunshine
but the devil is beating his wife through the rain

How long did it take for me to learn, that everytime the sun come out, don't mean it's shinning everywhere. Some places don't see the same light I see. Some got more light than they can handle. These are the times I just find myself thanking my God for just enough sun to peek through my blinds, and wake my happy ass up!

Sipping tea with Miles Davis

Miles has the way of putting me in the most melancholy of moods. As I sit here listening to 'So What' I realize that tomorrow is almost here, and I've so much to accomplish. At this point I feel my nose is close to the granite and there's nowhere to go but up. It's about time. Got a letter from Thaxton today, inquiring about the new changes. He saw the new me, and thought he'd attempt to figure me out. Now it's time to move on into tomorrow without looking back. I'm smiling looking forward to the future, and wondering why it took me so long to do something so very simple.

Squiggles on an Inferno

So it seems a situation has occurred, and you suddenly recognize you have a real issue. Instead of dealing with the issue, you pacify yourself by justifying your actions or other's actions. Refusing to put the fire out, you throw tidbits of water on it simply to keep things from getting out of control, not realizing this is exactly what is happening. Life does not sit by and wait for you to get your shit right. It keeps moving and in the process will consume you if you don't put out fires as they occur.

Unrehearsed Scripts

I used to write about meaningless things

like how could one do another the way they do

till I realized, people are unpredictable in their manner

and often leave shreds of disappointments in our souls

I used to write about what love should feel like

instead of what it is.

Strangely enough during those moments love became

what I expected, I found myself hurt, angry, and mostly confused.

I used to plan my days like clockwork, thinking that idle

time truly is the devils workshop, until I discovered the

beauty in allowing my words to drift and my empty days

to be filled by the Creator's beauty.

Now I have a plan, a real one. It is part of my script that
simply says, I refuse to accept the unacceptable. I refuse
to do anything that absolutely cannot be done, and I refuse
to live my days like anything other than blessed and fruitful
days. Some things can be planned, other things just need
to be allowed to happen....like love, but really and truly,
does love just happen? It seems like to me it's a part of
some heavenly plan to make our days more productive and
more meaningful. Of course I'm only one woman who
simply loves the whole concept of love, so ask someone else.

As Jabez heals so will I

Somewhere in the midst of all this madness, there yet remains a place of peace for me. The mother, the writer, the woman, simply speaking young girl who was never allowed to speak above a whisper. All the bowed heads and swallowed thoughts formed into tiny molecules of black pain that spread out over the course of 30 years. Now the jordan has widened and the showers from the waves free my soul. I speak, I heal, I become, and no one will stop the process of growth for this black woman. As a soft smile lingers, tears form, but this time they are tears of joy, of knowing, of realizing that the years of struggle and heartache were well worth it. As Jabez had a desire to protect his, I shall also protect mine, speaking that which frees the multitudes and gives credence to the words no one really understands. Words like I love you...and in God we trust. As Jabaz heals, I would open myslef so that my internal wounds might be cleansed, scabbed over then healed permanently. Yes, being open, you are exposed, but closing oneself off to healing promotes infection, and don't you think we have enough of that already in this world.

Erasing My Words

One day I wrote of the hardships of being black, spoke eloquently of the passion that drew me, the love that knew me, and even spoke of all the flack...I had to take in order to make a point living in this society that will never embrace me. Someone praised me for my boldness, another quietly patted me on my back. There were even a few murmureres who couldn't understand my need for justice if I was living the American dream. Why make waves they said? Why? because it's the right of every individual to express those issues that are important. How many men and women had to die in order for me to stand and speak the truth. Even though it's my truth, its' your truth too, you just choose to beleive the lie. I can't. I can't sit idly by watching a whole nation of people die to their own ignorance. So they sought to stifle me, but taking my printed words and handing them over to David Copperfied so he could ultimatley make them disappear. I will still speak, and although those words are gone, I have more. The revolution may not be won with me, but I will die fighting for it.

Attempting to figure out the mind of a black woman who thinks beyond the scope of her reality should always make for interesting reading. 

Being Black on a White Day

Where am I supposed to go now
when all around me everythings white
I don't know why, but I heard it used to be worse
I wish Mama would've told me
it was gonna be this way, that there'd be times when
black was gonna stand out like a sore thumb
somebody playing tricks on me
I'm sure that's it. Right?
That lady didn't just call me jiggaboo under her breath, did she?
The man at the store didn't overcharge me for a roll of
toilet paper. Of course not, that's petty, and that just shouldn't be
Should it?
Can't even go get my hair did, cause they overcharging blacks down
at the white salon, and everything white,
so I start twisting my hair
locking in my blackness since they tryna lock me out
outta they stores
outta they jobs
outta they country
I still got my rhythm, and that makes em mad
they try and take it, copy it, but its a lil too complicated
so they come up with something else,
call it Hard Rock
take some pills and just zone out.
do some other stupid shit
While I'm next door praying my white neighbor
turn it off cause I gotta be at work at 6:am
but my headphones is on, and Stevie, Marvin and Aretha
takes me away....back to Africa
where the beats are all in perfect sequence...
but only black can see the nature of that type of rhythm
untainted by anger and pure hatred
just a black beat
in a black world
even if only in this poem
I find my sanctuary.

Tinkers of a Black Woman's Brain

We think hard
least most of us do
spent some time wondering
bout all the why's, and hows
tryna figure out how to make
an end meet another end
so they can copulate
smoke, then laugh at me
then them tilted bowls
where all the icecream is gone
cause we ate away the pain
or at least pushed it back down
into the pit of my stomach
with the rest of my issues
To be lost, like a black penny on a new york street
cause it don't matter how different you are
how crazy your hair might be
nails bitten to the nub
won't matter
cause in New York, every body different
so I'll fit right in
but for now, I'll just tinker on something else
like when he gonna call

Being Me

Can I just be me today
Strike up a tune that don't nobody know
put a big purple flower in my hair, tousel my
locs that finally started growing

Can I be me today
Wear my lip gloss and tatored old jeans
the wones with holes in the seams
cause I used to be fat, now I'm just chilling in thick
thinking bout going back, but that's ok,
aint it?

Can I just write me today
Spread myself slowly across the pages
whisper at myself while watching my lips curl
into a smile
blow some bubbles
eat some fried eggs
Then maybe I'll read me for a while

All Rights Reserved. Who'd dare to be me anyway?

White Haiku

Aint' no sunshine here
they took it all for their skin
I embrace darkness

Bearing My Cross

I've heard we all got a cross to bear
but mine gets a lil heavy at times
so now I stand behind it
wondering if it will look back
and snatch me up
Put me in front,
where they say I should be
so they can climb on my back
and make me tired all over again

I'll prolly wonder til I get my answer

An Itch Before Midnight

I feel it even before I see it, like the eyes of angels pointing me toward that which can only be seen through that heavenly third eye vision. Wings of tough leather stirke chords within the window like some sort of Mantra. I'm not afraid, its just time to scratch the itch. Gotta let all the old go, and move forward. No more words are necessary, I smile at my angel as I succumb to the scratch. Soft hands with just the right amount of strength to let me know I was born to be loved.