I discovered earlier today there's nothing in this world greater than self discovery. Today while surfing the deep dark world of bloggism I came across a blog that left my mouth hanging open and my body yearning for more. Am I gonna spill what I saw, naw cause some of yall will be asking me for the address, and well. Damn it was deep. Anyway of course I pulled out my faithful leather bound journal and began to write what I saw, what I felt. My fingers are still shaking (soaking) at the images that stared me in the face and made me write about the darkness that leapt off the page.
How many of us are willing to admit that we are attracted to things in this life that are somewhat taboo. I spoke in an earlier post that I was once turned on by this mentally retarded dude when I was in high school. Ok, now at the ripe young age of...how old am I again? Well anyway, I have to admit there are still aspects of me that I'm discovering and well, its cool. I'm totally into learning me and all that it brings forth. I found myself thinking of my childhood and that room across from my bedroom where all the guests were entertained. One night I ran into something that confused the hell out of me, and even today, I ask myself why was I allowed to see those images? Anyway, I'm still gonna love and learn me in all my glory. I've read a lot of blogs that have been speaking of truth, but many times we forsake what we feel for what we think is acceptable. Another writer told me once, write from my soul and let nothing else plague your words.
What about you? Are you committed to learning all there is as it pertains to your emotions, sexual desires, career aspirations? Wow, those are three broad bridges. Believe it or not, there not really that far apart.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
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My mother tells me this often...the wise man looks within himself and finds the truth. [Don't remember who said it.]
I think being honest to oneself is the best gift one can give to oneself, ever.
Each one of us has a dark side. To what degree, depends on an individual.
I have been certified unemotional by all my close friends.
Sexual desires? I have a wild side, and I am sure each one of us has, but I also believe in the sanctity of a relationship.
Career aspirations? To me job satisfaction is the most important criteria.
And, there is never a complete black or a complete white thing in this world.
I want to know. I take chances to find out. Risk. It's always about how much risk you are willing to accept. Don't mean walking-the-edge-of-a-clif risk, but for some people, that is the knife edge that lures them. Risk means a lot of things, not just physical - the biggest is that it can upset everything you think you know about yourself. In the years I explored the dark I was comforted to know that we are all human with human emotions, and most of us simply choose not to know. There is nothing new, and little that truely sets us apart in our strange longings and questions. I'm not talking about hurt - anything that hurts another is, for me, absolutely forbidden. But that swamp of emotion and learning we call our own heart and soul - free game.
I'm 54, most would say I have lived a "good" life, most don't know shit about what is real abt. me. My ambition, which I expect to realize in another 2 years, is to cut the cord to all I know and take for granted, and find out what else there is in the world. It's a high risk move, financially, emotionally - but its calculated to take me out beyond the ruts of what I already know.
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