Knowing

Knowing is half the battle, I've heard so many times. So what's the other half? Figuring out how to break down that which you know, and make it fit with that which you wish you didn't know. Last night she walks in, says Mama, I love you, here's a few dollars for ya. Threw a couple of 20's on the table and proceeded to get clothing from her room. So quickly, she came, she smiled and then she was gone again. Damn I miss that girl. The things I don't know often make me wonder if I have in some way failed, cause I have an unsteady feeling in my spirit that comes up at the most unusual times. I know she knows I love her, and yes she feels safe, but she can't seem nor does she want to be close to me, at least not physically close. I've asked myself why, and have tried to put it in perspective that she's almost an adult now, already living her own life and doing her own thing. Whatever that is. Much like someone said to me all those years ago, it wasn't supposed to be like this, but I would never tell her anything other than I'm proud of her and know she's gonna make a success out of her life. Still sometimes just knowing that she's not a baby anymore is real tough to handle.