Can You Hear Me Now???

Im lying on the beach somewhere in Brazil, sipping on Mai-Tai's with an incredibly sexy Brazilian beach boy waiting on me hand and foot. The skies are a pristine blue, and I smile softly as I inhale the fresh ocean water. The waves lightly serenade me, as I stare into the beautiful brown eyes of this gorgeous brown man. He stands over me asking if he can rub some more sun screen on my back? I continue to smile....He asks again, "Hey beautiful Can you hear me? Can You Hear Me? Then he's tugging on my arm asking me, Hey, Can you hear me?.....Suddenly my sexy beach boy's voice begins to change into this high pitched whine........

Hey can you hear me? Can you hear me now......MAMA, CAN YOU HEAR ME, WAKE UP!!!! I'm no longer on my beach in Brazil. I'm in my bed with my teenage daughter standing over me tugging at my arm. "Mama, I'm gonna die, she says' 'What's wrong Kortny' I say, as I reluctantly pull myself out of bed for another one of her Hypocondriatic episodes.

She's jumping around getting very excited. I look at the clock. 6:15 am. Enough time to go back to Brazil if I can get her to quiet down and go to sleep. Ok, what's the problem? Well Ma, I was cleaning my ears and the Q-tip broke off in my hear. Not a problem, go get the tweezers and nurse Mama will have this solved in 2.5 seconds. She hurries off to get the tweezers while I try and figure out if my Brazilian boy had a six pack or an eight pack. Damn he was fine. He's calling me. My mouth waters as I think of all that the second portion of sleep will contain.

So now I'm digging in my daughters ear trying to get this foreign object removed when she starts screaming. Not crying, just screaming. 'Ok, let's just go to the emergency room Ma cause I'm scared that infection may set in and I'll have permanent hearing loss which, will lead to brain damange. My daughter has not slept in 24 hours and has a tendancy to over think things as much as I do....

So now we defy traffic signals and speed limits getting to the hospital in record time. We walk into the empty E.R and explain to the doctor what has happened. He checks her ear and much to our dismay, there is absolutely nothing in it. The whole ear canal is completely clear. We stare at the doctor. Are you sure, I ask? Yes says the good doctor. May she just rubbed it too hard and thought she broke the q-tip off in there. I smile at the doctor while inside I can see the beach boy laughing at me from somewhere in my subconscious.

Diagnosis: Foreign Body Irritation
Remedy: Do not clean ears after not sleeping for over 24 hours, it may cause Hallucinations.

On the way home, my daughter looks at me and says. "Ma, I'm sorry. I really thught I had something in my ear."

'No problem', I say. 'But as soon as we get home, I'm calling that nice physchologist we took you to a while back.' "Ma, do you think I'm crazy?' 'No, baby, of course not. The appointment is for me. I want to see if he can prescribe me something strong enough so I can sleep through your next accidently non-existant injury because thus far, Nyquil doesn't work.'

She looks at me, and I smile at her as we pull into our driveway. It's now 7:13 a.m and the beach boy has left me for a blonde Norwegian chick with big boobs. Damn!