Some days the wind feels good against my face...
other days the thought of no movement at all makes me smile....
This is one such day!
I've been asking myself that question a lot these past couple of days. I came home to peace and quiet, home in order, children doing well, yet inside I was so unhappy. I'm not sure why. Yesterday I began reading a new book called 'In my bedroom' by Donna Hill, and the book is explosive as it brings to light the emotional strain a woman goes through after suffering different types of abuse. I was once abused. Now I deal with the effects of the past every day. Whether I want to or not. Anyway there was a quote in the book where one of the doctors was telling a patient at the mental hospital....Don't let where you are define who you are. I been thinking about this all night. If I am not to be defined by where I am in my life, what exactly defines me? All my minor accomplishments don't seem to amount to anything major. Or is that just me beating up on myself. Before anyone reads this and makes some type of assumption, allow me to say, I am not depressed. That is not where I am. Just a woman trying to figure some things out and get there. Where? To that place where I can answer a question without asking another question.....
My daughter loved her new clothes and I found my very first poetry disk. Maybe I'm not as unhappy as I thought.
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11 comments:
Where you are is a stop on the highway of life. It has nothing to do with who you are.
Where is a learning experience, perhaps a resting place.
Who is the totality of everyday you have lived, everthing you have experienced and learned, every reaction to every situation and the way you feel about all of it.
You seem to be in my head all of the time. Where does that come from? Some shared experiences, thoughts and questions....
I'm caught up with these two lines, "If I am not to be defined by where I am in my life, what exactly defines me? All my minor accomplishments don't seem to amount to anything major."
That is the part that makes me take pause. Oh, how I'm feeling this for real.
When I'm reading a book, whatever is the main emotion of the book, that's what I am, for days. Heaven help me when a book disturbs me.
About what defines me...I once read this, put aside career, hobbies, all the outward things...then think...what am I?
I'm still thinking.
There's a concept I wish to explore one day...the Johari window...ways of seeing oneself.
i'm with you in asking this questions. i've ALWAYS been the type of person who believes that "where" they are difines who they are. i cant seem to transend that idea. when things go my way i'm proud and happy, and when they dont i get mad and feel disappointed at myself... i dont' understand how to function differently. this line actually been quoted to me by my friend "kaiya" and it funny that it keeps popping up.
i think also wheather we like it or not,but the reflection that we send out to the world helps to define us, and what does the world see about us? the way we look, where we work, where we live..etc... so its hard not to take all these things into account when thinking of your own definition...
That's what the Johari window is all about Ale...one day I just might look into it...it examines the 4 ways of you...the way others see you, included.
I call myself the luckiest person on earth. And I believe it is true. I have got so many things, that I had never asked for. And I have also got things, that I knew within myself, I did not deserve.
There is a saying in Hindi...."samay se pehle aur kismet se jyaada kabhie kisi ko kuch nahin milta.
meaning.... "before time and more than one's luck/destiny, no one gets anything, ever."
I firmly believe in that.
I hope you realise soon that you are special and that you mean a lot to your close friends and children.
:)
Thank you for that Anoop, means a lot.
GG, the Johori window seems very interesting
Ale, you might be on to something. My environment definitely affects me in major ways, so If I don't like it, I need to change it, which is one of the major reasons for the upcoming move.
Buffalo, 'where you are is a stop on the highway of life'. That's some deep thinking.
Thank you all for your comments. I'm growing each day, but I tend to question my every move. I just want my life to respresent one that is productive and shows real human growth. (same thing huh?)
Maybe in not feeling that right now as much as I'd like to, and by changing some of my goals and aspirations, I can get closer to becoming who I need to be.
Nothing like being in transition to bring out the old "who am I blues?" I wonder how many of us in the blogosphere are out here at least partially for that reason... I know I am.
seems to me that how others regard me does affect me, but it doesn't determine who I am. If I am seen as successful, or as a loser, it just means that to THAT person, in the terms that THEY define me, I'm winning or losing. Doesn't mean we agree.
Material things are funny. We all pay attention (sort of like packrats, we pay attention to who has collected the shiny stuff) but so MUCH of that is truly about luck.
We don't want to be defined by our bodies, our appearances, we protest that we "are more than that." And we are. But somehow which things you decide to do (so which things end up on the resume of your life)all go into making up who you are. If I decide to exercise 3 hrs a day, my body might look good but my mind might be a little dimmer from lack of time to nourish it too. And who I am is made up of those choices too.
its so complicated.
Exactly! I'm so glad you're back
I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. I have a feeling that this post will help me get closer to an answer, since the things you say in it will be on my mind for a while...
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